Let’s wander around in the evening,
Through un-crowded streets, by sleazy, grimy motels,
And shitty restaurants where the food is nasty.
And our walk will make us wonder about stuff . . .
Don’t ask what’s up,
Just listen while I tell you.
Women have more interesting things to talk about than lonely old me.
The night was depressing and dirty, and there was some nasty fog.
It was October, by the way.
Before every date, I have a shit ton of time to prepare
‘Cause I don’t go on dates very often.
Women have no use for me.
I’m getting old.
People are probably making fun of the fact that I’m balding.
They probably are also making fun of how skinny I am getting.
I live a very sad life, in case you didn’t notice.
Nothing is really new to me at this point –
I’ve been on a million failed dates.
My life is a dull routine that repeats endlessly.
And I know other people’s lives are interesting,
Which sort of taunts me.
I feel super trapped,
And my life is so repetitive.
And I’ve known a bunch of pretty ladies, but none of them notice me.
My life sucks.
I wish I were some sort of nasty crab.
That’s what I feel like.
Everything’s so boring,
And all I do is drink fucking tea,
And I’m pretty sure my life is amounting to a whole lot of nothing.
I could have guessed that.
I feel like nothing I do is worthwhile even a little bit.
I could turn into a fucking biblical zombie, and no one would give a flying fuck!
They’d just tell me I suck at life.
By the way, I’m sick of all the fucking tea.
I’m sick of trying to seduce women, and failing miserably.
Life sucks.
I’m actually freaking out, though – what the fuck is going on?
Women hate me, that’s what.
I’m not some crazy-ass indecisive Shakespearian prince, though.
Seriously, I’m not.
I am kind of a joke, though.
The kind of joke nobody laughs at.
I’m getting old, and therefore
I will begin to wear the obligatory un-stylish clothing of old people.
Aging blows.
I’m gonna wander around outside in my pajamas,
Like a crazy old man.
I have heard mermaids sing before, by the way.
Mermaids are so out of my league.
They’re super hot, and they live somewhere super hard to get to.
I’ll never be like T-Pain.
I’ve spent my entire life trying to get beautiful women to love me,
And it’s never worked.
I think I’ll go drown myself now.
