all the content with none of the flowery shit

We’ve been way overdue for an update, guys, and we know it, so expect a flood of new Parafuckingphrases over the course of the next few weeks.

Like us on facebook (there’s a button below, bitches) to hear about all of our updates, and to satiate your current hunger for hilarious material, check out our new additions to the Robert Frost section.

Since she (my car) was new,

she was sort of tense

so I was cautious.

I oiled her up really well, of course

And felt to make sure she was ready for action.

(If you haven’t figured out that this poem isn’t actually talking about a car, 

you need to pay closer attention.)

I tried to turn her on, but I guess I was too quick,

’cause she freaked out (what the fuck?)

so I backed the fuck off and started all over again.

Going really slowly, I tried again to get her going

And seeing as she was a 10, there was no problem,

And I was all smooth, and touched her in just the right spot,

and then, oh fuck yes,

we were going.

(You must know what he’s talking about by now. Let’s be real.)

For my first time riding her,

And for her first time being ridden,

It was surprisingly good.

Now that we were really moving,

I touched her in all the right places at once

(Sex. This poem is about sex. Not with a car, with a fucking hot chick.)

And I made her have a giant fucking orgasm.

*FOR MORE, ROLL OVER THE “POETS” TAB IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER OF THE PAGE*

Are you a summer day? Oh shit, sorry, I thought you were because you are so hot and sexy.
Even the wind is trying to blow you.
Plus, the weather sucks sometimes and the summer is short,
but you’re always perfect.

Sometimes the sun is too bright, man.
And pretty things become less pretty because that’s how it goes.

But you’re never gonna be ugly (because your mom’s still hot)
And you’ll probably never die (at least in my heart)

So as long as no one forgets how to breathe or see shit,
this poem will make you famous.

*For more, click on the “Poets” link in the top righthand corner of the page.*